You and Me Together

We all fall sometimes...right?

2011-11-07T17:35:00.001-08:00

110611, a photo by masteffenhagen on Flickr.

These pics are from several months ago but I had forgotten them. When I took them off the camera tonight I wanted to laugh and cry. For those of you who don't know, Matty loves to wear his helmet...just so happens the night before we took this pic he had stumbled down the stairs :(.

Getting Ready for Halloween

2011-10-28T20:07:00.000-07:00

*Practicing posting pics again...thought I might as well post it bc Matty as Elmo is pretty cute :)

Apple Orchard

2011-10-28T19:57:00.001-07:00

DSC_1095, a photo by masteffenhagen on Flickr.

We stopped by our local orchard this weekend. We always love getting bakery goodies and apples to take home. I expect we'll have lots of Biggest Loser Applesauce within just a few days.

(This post is more or less a test...I'm adding the pic from flickr) Thanks for your patience.

September and October

2011-10-23T18:36:00.001-07:00

Matty has grown a foot...or so it appears.

Each day he seems older. For instance, last Saturday at the park he was playing catch and all of a sudden he yelled, "I caught it". 3 words-How did this happen?!? He no longer is a baby and I'm saddened by his growing need for independence but excited for the world we're exploring together.

September and October have been filled with lots of volleyball and soccer games. We're so disappointed that the seasons are coming to a close. No doubt, Matty will love basketball season but for some reason that sport has never caught my interest. Thankfully Jason will happily take him to the home games.

Lately, I think what amazes me the most is how powerful his associations are. He remembers where he sees people or what they were doing when he saw them last. Then a few days or weeks will go by and we'll find ourselves out and about. All of a sudden Matty will shout out a name. Jason and I will look at each other, mildly amused, we know somehow there is a connection between what he sees and the name he just yelled. Typically it will take us a few minutes but we usually figure it out. Let's just say he keeps us on our toes.

September and October have been great thus far. We just had a visit from Jason's parents and brother, Joe, and Matty enjoyed entertaining them all weekend.

Thanks for your love,

The Steffenhagens

Riding a Bike!!

2011-07-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

Matty is getting just big enough to start riding his first bike! But he's still a little nervous.

Gotcha Day Celebration

2011-07-30T08:38:00.001-07:00

July 6th marked the one year anniversary of Matty's Gotcha Day! We had a little party on the 18th to celebrate how much joy and love he has brought into our lives.

Michelle, in her infinite creativity, planned a 'ball' themed party. So, in order to complete the theme our food of choice was truffles! We made over 400 truffles in at least 8 different flavors....Oreo (in both white and brown chocolate), pretzel and peanut butter, cookie dough, strawberry cake, lemon, cake batter, turtle cheese cake, smores...and I'm sure I'm forgetting at least one flavor! Needless to say...the truffles were a hit. And we're still eating the leftovers!!

A special thanks to Grandpa Ross who helped roll truffles on Friday night...and sample a few I might add. And Kate Gilliard for helping design the truffle table!!

Grandpa Ross!

2011-07-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

We had a fun visit with Grandpa Ross a few weeks ago as he was going from DC to Santa Rosa. Although it was only about 38 hours long...we packed in a bunch of fun!

We went to the pool on Saturday afternoon. Matty has become a fish this summer, dunking his head underwater, playing catch and splashing his mom and dad constantly!

In only 38 hours or less, Grandpa Ross found time to take Matty biking three times! Friday night, Saturday morning, and then Saturday afternoon with mom and dad down in Chattanooga. While biking in Chat, we stopped for lunch at one of our new favorite hot spots...Taco Mamacitas! It's awesome. Come visit and we'll take you for tacos!!

Just enjoying time with Grandpa Ross before he had to go!

Summer Fun!!

2011-07-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

Matty loves the new playground in the park only fifty yards from our front door. The only bad thing about the playground is that he cries every time we try to leave! The swing (as you can see) is especially exciting! (PS - For those who thought Matty was about to fall at the end of that video...he didn't! No small children were injured in the making of this production!)

We've started a new morning routine this summer...while mom and dad get Matty's lunch and snacks all ready to go, he eats a small breakfast and then dances in the living room. Currently his favorite bands are Coldplay and One Republic; but anything with a good beat will get him going!

June

2011-07-04T17:37:00.000-07:00

We had a great time as a family in June. We did a bit of traveling and played in the sun as much as Cleveland's weather would allow. This weekend was probably our favorite-we completed the Steffenhagen triathlon...5 mile run, 15 mile bike (with a stop for burgers at the half way point), and 2 hours playing in the pool. We knew Matty liked biking but we were impressed he stuck with us for such a long trip. He's so funny about biking...when he gets home after a bike ride he won't let us put the helmet away, instead he insists on wearing it around the house.

Here are a few other highlights from the month:

Fireworks with sweet friends for the fourth of July-Matty cheered for five straight minutes after the show. We had such a great time.
Atlanta Braves game...Matty slept through the two hour rain delay but woke up from deep sleep to clap and cheer, immediately followed by his reentry to deep sleep. Priceless.
Swimming and more swimming-Matty's a fish!
Several trips to pick blue and blackberries.
Fun with family in Memphis and Minnesota.

Here are some updated pics :)

April 2011

2011-05-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

April was a great month with Matty. We took plenty of time to enjoy the beautiful spring weather. Matty took us on several runs, rollerblade trips, and bike excursions. At first he wasn't too excited about his bike helmet (we do realize it is a tad oversized) but now that he realizes he gets to bike he doesn't seem to mind as much.

Matty is talking all the time and we are trying to work on indoor voices but at 16 months that doesn't seem to mean much. However, he really seems to comprehend what we are saying and it has been a joy to communicate with him. Whether through sign language or rather abrupt screams he is able to hint at what he wants (for example: bat, ball, please, more, night night, more, ball, ball, book, more). Yes, we do see the theme...already he is passionate about food and baseball and we think he is a genius! (Michelle thinks he is wise beyond his months because of his incredible vocabulary while Jason thinks he is the smartest baby on the planet because he has his priorities straight :)).

Here is a picture of Matty eating dinner in the bathroom during his first of many tornado drills. We feel blessed to be safe and our hearts go out to all of the families in our community that are less fortunate. Thanks for your prayers.

Showing off..

2011-03-05T20:01:00.001-08:00

Our friends Matt and Carrie were over and Matty was showing off how he could balance a coaster on his head. After doing this for about 10 minutes he finally was distracted by the camera.

*Sorry-I have yet to figure out how to rotate these videos.

First Steps Today

2011-03-05T19:57:00.000-08:00

Fun with Grandparents, Nannie, and Joe

2010-10-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

It has been a fun few weeks with three groups of visitors. First, my dad in from Switzerland on a quick stopover to visit the kids while doing business in the states. Then, my mom in for a wedding and precious time with her grand-babies. Finally, Jason's parents and brother, Joe, were in town to see the little man. We had a great time and the weather was gorgeous so we got to spend plenty of time outside.

Enjoy the beautiful fall weather while it lasts!

Beautiful Chattanooga in the Fall

2010-10-15T09:00:00.001-07:00

Perfect Day.

Shadow Puppets.

I love these eyes.

Deep Conversations with Grandpa

Jumper

2010-10-15T08:54:00.001-07:00

Matty thinks he is so cool...very empowered in his little toy :)

Our Little Drummer Boy

2010-09-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

Matty loves to hit things so we've been having him bang on the drum and he actually has some great rhythm.

For our faithful bloggers...

2010-09-23T15:24:00.001-07:00

We haven't been great with updates lately...but here are some pictures of our little guy!

Busy, Busy, Busy

2010-08-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry we haven't posted in a couple days. It's been busy around here, with all the student-leaders coming back in town!

We've had a good time with visitors too! Michelle's grandparents came for a couple days last week. We had a blast...watching Matty laugh and enjoying some good food at Green Life Grocery!

Annie, Michelle's mom, is in town this week. We are loving having her around to help as we get closer to the beginning of the school year. Matty is enjoying his Nani as well!!

Sweetest Sound in the Whole Wide Word

2010-08-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

We Love to Laugh at High Pitched Noises.

He Is Growing Up...

2010-08-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

Matty held his bottle by himself the other day...it happened on accident and I could not believe my eyes. He is also starting to sit up...it will just be another few days and I think he'll have it. The little fellow has been keeping us on our toes. And his smile lights up the house a little more each day. We keep falling in love with him.

Jason's Family was here to meet Matty Poo. We had a great time with them.

We love bath time-as long as the water is warm enough (don't even think about putting me in water that is not at least a little toasty).

Strawberries were fun! We're sticking to sweet potatoes now but we'll get back to the berries-they were tasty.

He loves his daddy!

A Quick Post

2010-07-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

For those who like quick and short posts, the following is for you:

It's been a little over a week since we returned from Ethiopia with a third Steffenhagen! We are doing really well...as long as doing really well means getting used to fixing bottles every three hours, changing massively poopy diapers and waking up at all hours of the night to simply put a pacifier back in someone's mouth. (Seriously kid, doesn't your hand have a thumb! Ha Ha.) Honestly, those things are even fun...but they don't compare to the smiling, giggling and cuddling little baby boy we are loving more than life itself.

I'm in the process of writing something a little longer...so keep tuned-in to this station and we'll have something for you after a short commercial break!

Pictures

2010-07-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

Matty is slowly adjusting to the Eastern Standard Time Zone but in the meantime he still smiles quite a bit!

Better Video

2010-07-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

Here is a link to this video (maybe a little better quality).

Meeting Matty

2010-07-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

More Pictures...

2010-07-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

We just got home last night and my two boys are sleeping so I thought I'd try and add a couple of quick pictures. We have so much to share so hopefully we'll get more to you soon. Thank you for your prayers over the week-it was an incredible trip and we were so blessed. I apologize for the lack of updates-we tried every social networking tool we could think of but rarely had any luck. Thanks for your patience!

By the way-Matty is an excellent traveler...we traveled for about 30 hours and he cried for maybe 30 minutes the entire time...(I know, we are lucky!)

More pictures!

2010-07-08T07:36:00.000-07:00

Internet issues

2010-07-08T04:40:00.000-07:00

Was anyone else going nuts without any news from the S's in Ethiopia? I was! Katie is helping me connect the missed pieces, so this is a few days old:

Hello from Addis!

It is officially Gotcha Day for our family. We are spending our night with Matty and he is perfect. We met him yesterday and every moment since has been wonderful! He really is a dream. We are having pretty major problems with internet but we were able to get a few pictures across. Hopefully we'll be able to send more soon. Thank you so much for your prayers. Love, the three of us!

Family is BEAUTIFUL!

2010-07-08T04:05:00.000-07:00

I received a message from Michelle's sister this morning, and Michelle and Jason got through the Embassy process yesterday. Yay!

And for all you blog stalkers like me who are dying to see a photo...

Is there anything cuter??

We're Going Underground

2010-06-26T05:48:00.001-07:00

Since Matty is on his way home (or will be shortly) we are going to switch our blog from public to private. We decided to do this because we want to post pictures and videos and we decided that, at least for the time being, we going to be a bit selective on how and where we post pics.

Fear not...I think this should be fairly simple. If you'd like to keep up to speed on Matty Poo please let us know and we'll add you to our list of readers. I do think this will require you to sign in to read our blog and I apologize for the extra step. However, if you follow us on Google Reader you shouldn't have to sign in each time. (Let me know if you do and I'll see if we can work out something more efficient).

For those of you not familiar with Google Reader you may want to check out this article. It will change your blogging experience and although it may look a little confusing-I promise it is NOT. I set this up in five minutes and it a lifesaver.

Happy Blogging and email Jason (jsteffenhagen@leeuniversity.edu) if you want us to add you to our list of readers.

Thanks!

Travel Confirmed!

2010-06-26T05:26:00.000-07:00

We found out as we were entering US Customs in Philadelphia that we have been approved to travel to Ethiopia so we can bring Mateios home. We are thrilled and will be leaving on July 2nd and coming back to Tennessee on July 10th. Life as we know it is going to change but we could not be happier to have this little guy with us.

Thank you for all of your prayers along the way!

(I'm sure Jas will give a much more detailed description so if you are into the details you can look forward to his upcoming masterpiece :)).

Not Traveling Yet

2010-06-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

Greetings Bloggerites!

Michelle and I found out earlier this week that we did not get Embassy approval for the late June Ethiopia trip. So it looks like we won't be going to Ethiopia until the beginning of July (at the earliest) or sometime in August (if things take some time).

Thanks for all your prayers and warm thoughts. We are excited to meet our baby boy and can't wait to take our trip to get him. Hopefully it will come soon.

We'll keep you posted on how things progress over the course of the next few weeks.

PS - Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there. It's fun to be in your company...even if it's not quite as traditional as it will be next year. And to my dad - I love you and thank you for the wonderful influence you've had on my life. I couldn't have asked for a more loving and supportive father who is going to be a great grandpapa to my son!

Waiting to Travel

2010-06-11T16:17:00.001-07:00

Hope all our faithful blog readers are doing well!

Michelle and I have been spending time with family lately, and we are doing great!

We are still waiting to hear about our travel dates. But for those we haven't spoken to, let me give you a run down of the last few weeks.

When we learned that we had passed court we were told that we could travel as late as the end of July or August. Or, we could travel as soon as June 20th (which was really exciting). The chances were only 5-10% that we would travel in June...more than likely we will travel in early or mid July.

We thought we would know our travel schedule by June 9th. But what we misunderstood from our agency is that we would know our travel schedule as early as June 9th. So when June 9th came and went, we weren't shocked...instead we just anticipated checking our e-mail again the next day to find out if we'd passed court.

Basically, we could find out any day now that we are cleared to travel. So as soon as that day comes...we'll be sure to let you all know.

Also...a little baby update:

We've recently received an update that our baby boy is doing well and is in good health. Apparently, he's a really chill/mello/laid back little baby boy who likes to smile and doesn't really get too bent out of shape. (Someone should warn him about his mom and dad :) ).

Also, he's a little "chuncker", which comes as no surprise because of the great care he has in the transition home, where he is waiting for us to come get him.

Until next time...and let's hope it's more good news soon!!
Jason and Michelle

So Close...But This Time We're Smoking a Chocolate Cigar!!

2010-05-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

This afternoon Michelle got a phone call saying that the final document needed for review was brought before a judge today, and beyond our wildest imaginations…WE PASSED COURT TODAY!!! Our new court date wasn’t supposed to be until June 16th, but for whatever reason, they decided to review a handful of families cases and we were one of them.

In her conversation with the woman from our agency, Michelle was told that the next step is for our adoption to go before the US Embassy, where travel documents and visas will be processed. The Embassy typically does its own investigation, in order to ensure the integrity of the adoption. Lately, the US Embassy has been passing families very quickly.

Basically, our timeline could be as long as 2-3 months (so we’d be traveling in late July or August) if the investigation takes longer than expected time. Otherwise, we could be traveling anytime between early to mid July. There is a 5-10% chance that we could travel as early as June 20th!! Which means we could be bringing home our baby boy in less than a month!

Obviously, this is all really new and really exciting. We want to thank everyone for their prayers and words of support and encouragement, especially after the more disappointing news yesterday. Now we get to celebrate with everyone today!! (It’s crazy how God does things sometimes…but we couldn’t be more grateful!)

So if yesterday was like failing the drivers test by missing one lousy turn. Today is like passing the stupid test blindfolded!! Because although you might hope something miraculous would happen, you convince yourself otherwise...then the Lord does what only the Lord does...and the next thing you know...you're driving your parent's minivan down the road with no one else sitting next to you!!

(Which is probably like parenthood...you think you know what you're doing...you plan like you know what you're doing...then all of a sudden you're driving a minivan...and there is no one sitting next to you telling you how to do this thing...only a baby in the backseat, staring at you with all the wonder and excitement in the world!!)

We can't wait for this adventure.

Thanks again for everything. We are so excited to be at this place in our adoption journey and can’t wait to bring him home soon!!!

So Close...

2010-05-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

Today was our Court Date.

Unfortunately, we did not pass court. Almost every single piece of the “court date puzzle” was in place, but one document failed to make it to the judge on-time. It wasn’t something we were in control of or our agency. Ethiopia is in the midst of their electoral season and the court systems have a tendency to get bogged down at this time, so it wasn’t really a surprise that something like this was a little late. The fortunate aspect is that some of the court procedures were able to be accomplished, which should make things quicker and more likely the next time.

Our new Court Date is in the middle of June. We are hopeful that this time we will pass!

The effect on our travel isn’t too great. When we pass court, we will be roughly 2-3 months from traveling. So hopefully sometime in August/September we’ll be headed to Ethiopia to get our son.

I kinda feel like I just took the driver's test for the first time...so close...but no cigar! I still remember the first time I took that test. I went around a left turn and somehow failed to stay in my lane...even though I still contend that the lanes weren't clearly marked. I passed all the big tests (parallel park, corner backing) but I couldn't stay in my lane while going around an unmarked turn. So close...but no cigar.

(I know that this is much more serious than a 16 year-old drivers license test...but in order to deal with the disappointment, I guess I'm trying to lighten my mood.)

Thanks again for all your prayers and support.

Court Date Is Coming

2010-05-24T13:04:00.001-07:00

Our court date is just around the corner! We're excited and nervous about Wednesday, but we also know that timing isn't always in our hands.

If things work out on Wednesday, we could be headed to Ethiopia as soon as the end of July or as late as the end of August.

If we don't pass court on the first try, we'll have to wait for a new court date and go from there.

Hopefully we'll get good news!

Also...we hope to send him a care package this week. And if you know his proud daddy...I had to put some baseball stuff in there. So he has a onesy (sp?) with "Mommy's All-Star" on it and one that says, "I'm a great catch," with a baseball glove.

Thanks for all the prayers!!

A Healthy Baby Boy

2010-05-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

Just a little health update...

We just got word from our agency that our baby boy is doing much better and no longer has pneumonia. We also found out that he never had an upper respiratory infection...so apparently all those prayers that were being sent God's way not only made our baby boy better...they actually changed the past so he was never sick to begin with. (I'm imagining a Back to the Future, Michael J. Fox moment!)

Anyways...thanks for the prayers and the support. We can't wait to get him home so when he does get sick, his mom and dad will be there to give him some soup, 7-up and movies all day long!! (I guess that will come when he's older...shows how much I have to learn about parenthood! But that's why I'm reading books on parenthood and adoption instead of theology.)

:)

Not Feeling Well

2010-05-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to pass along a prayer request.

Our little baby boy has an upper respiratory infection that is being treated by the staff in the orphanage. It isn't anything serious, but he's had this type of thing before. So we're praying that he recovers quickly and that this issue stays away from now on.

It's hard not being able to be with him when we hear that he's sick. We're in a helpless state physically (we just want to hug him when he's not well), but we know that we can be there for him spiritually.

We welcome your prayers.

Thanks.

Court Date!!

2010-05-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

It's been way too long since our last update. My bad! The only excuse I can come up with is that we're busy...but that really shouldn't be an excuse. Everyone is busy in their own way, and not taking time to slow down and let people know how things are going is just poor manners. Especially on Mother's Day...my mom taught me better than that!

Anyway...Adoption news first :

We found out that our Court Date is May 26th! And since our paperwork was processed before May 9th, we are not required to attend. Although we were getting our minds wrapped around the potentiality of traveling to Ethiopia twice, we are grateful that we will only have to go once; when we go get him. It is a bummer that we won't get to meet him in less than a month, but leaving him would have been torture. So, we're happy to do things this way.

About 50% of families pass court on the first try. We're hoping and praying that we're in that 50%. If it doesn't work out on the first try, we'll get a new court date and go from there.

If we pass court on the 26th than we'll be headed to Ethiopia about 2-3 months after the 26th...so late July or August we could be bringing home our little baby boy!

News on the rest of life :

A few weeks ago, my dad had an emergency quadruple bi-pass surgery. Thankfully, the surgery was a huge success and my dad is on the fast-track to recovery. In the three weeks since his surgery he has been walking four times a day and has been cleared to drive a car again and start working. But he's not allowed to lift more than 10 pounds - Dad-No lifting more than that; I know mom is reading this to you! I was able to go visit the other weekend, which was a great blessing for both him and me and the rest of the family!

A couple Saturday's ago, Michelle, her brother and I ran the Nashville 1/2 Marathon. Ya Ya...they both beat me by more than 20 minutes, but I was just happy to see that finish line, knowing that I could one day tell my son that his dad was convinced by his mom to run 13.1 miles for fun. To which I will follow up by saying..."I told you she was crazy!" Just kidding! It really was a good feeling to accomplish a goal, but my knees have been wondering why we set that goal without asking them first!

This Saturday I walked at graduation. The long journey that seemingly had no end is finally over! I'm excited to wake up in the morning and ask Michelle what I can do for her that day as opposed to asking myself how many pages I have to read. I'm also excited to start reading for the adoption. No rest for the theologically and physically weary.

Apart from those three crazy things, life has been great for Michelle and me. We are excited that another school year has ended well and that the campus is quieting down. We are looking forward to a great summer with many more adventures...especially the one that entails us going to Ethiopia!!

Love you all.
Jason and Michelle

An End To Our Wait!! Or Is It Just The Beginning!!

2010-04-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

Jason and I are the proud parents of a beautiful baby boy!

Thursday we received our referral and the great news is he is perfect and we are so happy!

Our agency has asked us not to send out any of his information until our referral is official.

We have some paperwork to do but by next week we should be able to tell you more.

We hate that we can’t give out details but it should be just a few days and then you can see his beautiful face (I think I’m officially a mom gloating about her baby boy).

We love you and are so grateful for all of the support you’ve given us. Thanks for everything you’ve done to get us through this waiting period-just a few more days!

Michelle and Jason

Changing the Change Again

2010-04-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

There is another change to report about our adoption process.

As I reported a few weeks ago, the Ethiopian courts had told the government that they should start requiring couples to attend the first court date of their impending adoption. So couples would have to travel twice.

Then, the government apparently told the courts that a change that drastic wouldn't be possible that quickly. So we assumed the change wasn't going to take place for quite a while. So couples would only have to travel once.

And now...the government and courts have decided that May 9th is the critical date. If a couple has its first court date before May 9th, they do not have to travel to Ethiopia until they leave to pick up their child (only one travel date). If the court date is after May 9, they will need to appear in person, and then return to Ethiopia at a later date to bring their child home (two travel dates).

So...we'll see what happens in the near future. Whether we travel sooner or later!

Thanks for all the support.

Changing the Change

2010-03-29T11:55:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone.

Well, we just found out last week that Ethiopia isn't making the change we thought they were going to make just yet. Basically, the court system has recommended that the Ethiopian government make it manditory that families travel twice (once to appear at court, once to pick up the child); but the government in Ethiopia can't make the change that quickly. So in the meantime, they are not going to make the switch; which means we might only have to travel once like we originally thought.

We are still simply waiting to get our referral.

Some good news...families who already have their referral are now passing their court dates...which means that babies are being adopted out of Ethiopia (passing court dates hadn't happened for a few weeks, so people were getting nervous). Now that court dates are going through, people are predicting that referrals are next to start coming through again.

Also some good news...according to our calculations and reading of the list of waiting families, we are the next Boy Couple on the list. So hopefully as soon as the referrals starts coming out, we will be one of the first to get one!

Some other good news...I took my Exams for the Masters in Theology program that I have been laboring through for the past three years. The exams spanned 8 hours last Thursday, three 2 hour blocks of time with an hour of break in-between. I was really nervous, excited, anxious going into them, but they all three went well. I should find out how I did in about a week.

That's about all the news I have for now. Thanks for checking in on us.

Ethiopia Update

2010-03-11T05:15:00.000-08:00

Greetings from TN! Sorry we have been blog silent for so long, this semester seems to be quite busy! I (Jason) am currently in the process of studying for my Master's in Theology Exams which take place March 25th, and Michelle is busy working on the hiring process for next year's Residential Life teams. So needless to say, we haven't spent tons of time blogging lately. But we are constantly anticipating the receiving of our referral!!

So here's the Ethiopia Update:

The government in Ethiopia has decided to change their procedures for Adoptive parents. Instead of being able to have a "Power of Attorney" attend all our court dates, we now have to attend, in person, the first court date after we have received our referral. (For those unfamiliar with this process here's a brief overview: sometime in the near future we will receive a referral, which is a picture, name and medical history of a baby boy in Ethiopia. Once we accept that referral and agree to adopt that child the government in Ethiopia requires a few court dates to make the adoption official. Originally, our "Power of Attorney" could attend all these court dates for us. Then, after about 3-5 months and a few court dates, we would travel to Ethiopia to pick up our son.)

With the new change, we will still get our referral in about the same time frame as before (any day now hopefully), but instead of our "Power of Attorney" going to court, we will have to travel to Ethiopia to appear before the courts. Ideally, our going to Ethiopia won't change the timing of this first court date (about 4-6 weeks after we accept the referral). After we appear before the courts, it will still take about 8-12 weeks before we can officially bring our baby boy home. So we will more than likely be going back to Ethiopia for a second trip, but this time to bring our baby home! There is a possibility that our adoption agency could arrange an escort service so we wouldn't have to travel to Ethiopia a second time, but those details are still being figured out.

There is a conference call we are going to be a part of today (Thursday) that should help us understand these changes in better detail. We'll keep you all posted as we find out more.

For now...please keep praying for our son's safety and care. Pray for those who are caring for him. Pray for his parents who are dealing with the difficult decision to give their child up for adoption. And pray for this change in procedures, that the transition will be smooth and that delays won't be long or even existent.

One awesome positive out of this change is that we will more than likely be traveling to see our son much earlier than we had anticipated! So we'll be able to get a bunch of pictures and videos to share with everyone as we anticipate his arrival to his new home!!

Just a few more days...I hope!

2010-02-22T15:48:00.000-08:00

Thanks for sticking with us...just a few more days until we get to know who our baby boy is. (I guess technically it could be a few more weeks but I'm hopeful that we'll hear something in the next week or two).

Thanks for keeping us in your prayers!
Love you all,
Michelle and Jason

Valentine's Day Special

2010-02-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone!!

Michelle and I have a Valentine's Day Special on our Etsy Site...a L.O.V.E set of magnets and 25 'Thank You' postcards for $15...free shipping!!

Love you all.
Jason

Referral is Coming...

2010-01-31T16:20:00.000-08:00

We're getting very excited...sometime in the next month to three months we'll be finding out who are little boy is! We cannot wait to know his name, his age, and to see a picture for the first time!!!

Other great news this week...we got a grant from Show Hope. We weren't expecting it so it was such a nice surprise and a great blessing. It is so wonderful to see God's provision.

Have a great week!

Merry Christmas

2010-01-07T15:40:00.000-08:00

Ethiopia celebrates Christmas on January 7th. If our little boy has been born than he is celebrating his first Christmas today. We wish we could be there with him and are excited to celebrate with him next year. Merry Christmas!

Ethiopia's Transition Home

2009-12-21T16:36:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, we're in the waiting stage...we're hoping that in 3-5 months we'll have a referral for our baby boy! As we're waiting we thought we'd share a bit about the Transition Home in Ethiopia. This is where our son will spend about three months as he is preparing to come home with us.

The Transitional Home in Ethiopia recently hired three new staff members: a Pediatrician, a Psychologist, and an Educational Director. Jason and I are really excited to know a little something about these professionals who will be taking care of our son! AWAA has a great blog if you're interested to know more, here is the link.

Thanks for joining us on this adventure!

Thank You Postcards are here...

2009-12-09T14:08:00.001-08:00

Our etsy site is up and running! This is one way we're hoping to raise some funds for our adoption. Our newest items are these Thank You postcards (25 for $10 with no charge for shipping)...if you know anyone who may be interested please send them our way! Thank you for all of your support!

By the way-if you'd prefer not to go through etsy please contact us directly and we'd be more than happy to get your postcards/magnets to you. We'll be in MN for Christmas so we maybe could even avoid shipping!

James 1.27

2009-12-09T07:42:00.000-08:00

For the most part, this blog has been about the actual process of adoption and mostly about our personal reflections on adoption or how we emotionally have prepared ourselves for this exciting challenge. I've included some personal hopes and reasons why I believe in adoption, but never taken the time to theologically put down on paper why adoption is at the heart of God. So this is my theological understanding of why loving a person in this way connects to the core of God's heart.

Please note: Like all theology, this isn't meant to be dogmatic or perfect. Theology by its very nature (since it attempts to understand a transcendent and incarnational God) is faulty and needful of discussion and revision. Although I might agree with my upcoming comments (why else would I make them if I didn't believe them to be true) I expect and desire commentary...commentary that builds from this point, proposes a counter-point, questions my premises and is willing to discuss this topic in healthy Christian tension.

Also, these ideas aren't THE reason why I believe in adoption and starting our family this way. My theological articulations make my beliefs and actions stronger, but theology doesn't inform every decision I make. So instead, my theology is supporting my actions. If my theology changes, that doesn't change my love for adoption, because we believe in the love of Christ being a love that has no boundaries or bloodlines. We believe that the love we have inside of us needs to be given away. We desire to passionately love our son as God would have any parents love their child. There is a huge difference between what I believe and know to be true (the sacrificial love of Christ) and my theological understandings that help explain why. The former doesn't change, the later has room to be adapted and altered.

That being said...here's part of my theological musings on God's heart for adoption. I fully expect this theological endeavor to be a deep well that I won't exhaustively traverse for many days, weeks, months or years. (But don't worry, I won't bore you with too much theology when I know you really just want to know when the baby is coming!!)

The NIV renders James 1.27 as the following:
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:
to look after orphans and widows in their distress
and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

For years this verse has always stood out to me. I've loved the concept of God seeing widows and orphans in special need of love and care; and I've also really loved the idea that religion is not about just going to church or simply reading our Bibles each day or praying over meals. Religion is about loving others. We maintain discipline in our faith, not because it makes us look good before God, but because we seek to give away the love that God has showered onto us.

But why widows and orphans? This has been my question. Why not older people and children?

As I've attempted to formulate answers, I've asked the question, what is different about widows and orphans. Here is the answer I've come to...

Widows are without the person that made them complete. (In a culture where individualism is prised above servanthood and humility, this concept of being complete with someone else is almost evil, but we must at least consider that God has something to say about our willingness to lay down our pride and be truly found in the communion of one another...especially in marriage.) When a man and woman come together in marriage, God pronounces them one. The two become one. But when a spouse dies, the widow(er) left behind is no longer receiving their identity from the union that God has ordained and sanctified. There is a loss and a question about one's place in the world.

Similarly, orphans are children without parents. Children are needful of care and love, of protection and nurturing. Parents shape identity and give children meaning in life. They teach them about the world and how by simply existing the child is making the world a better place. But an orphan doesn't have the very people who shape who they are becoming, the people who teach them about love.

So, both widows and orphans are in search of identity and in search of love. But here's the kicker...

All of humanity is in search of a God who gives them identity and gives them love. These are the questions we all long to have answered, does God love me, who am I in God's eyes, am I who God made me to be. God answers these questions on the cross and in the resurrection. God answers these questions when God sends the Holy Spirit to dwell in our lives. God answers these questions when in Romans Paul says that God seeks to adopt us as children.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:
to look after orphans and widows in their distress
and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Why?

Because when we look after widows and orphans in their distress we are giving someone love, and we are reminding them of their identity as important pieces to the body, to the kingdom, to the family found in Christ. And in our loving others we are being reminded of our own need to be loved by God.
So often life becomes about us. We live in a society that puts a premium on individualism and achievement. But God is calling us to die to ourselves and find our identity in Christ and the love that Christ has so perfectly shown us through his life, death and resurrection.

We aren't called to love widows and orphans because they don't have anyone else. Sure, they do need someone to love them and give them identity. But God calls us to love widows and orphans because it also reminds us that we need to be loved by God. It's not simply that widows and orphans need us, but we need them.

So whether it's adoption, sponsoring a child through Compassion International, getting involved in a soup kitchen, helping at a nursing home, or just going shopping for the neighbor down the street...we all have a responsibility for helping the widow and orphan. And it's not because we earn points for heaven...it's because as we love and give others meaning, we are reminded of our need to be loved by a God who has named us and called us his children.

Ephesians 1.4-7

In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons and daughters through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

DTE-November 13, 2009

2009-11-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

The paperwork chase has ended...Dossier To Ethiopia Date-November 13, 2009!!!

Now it's just a matter of waiting 4-6 months for a referral :)

One Step Closer

2009-11-11T14:37:00.000-08:00

I have always been fond of our adoption agency and today I'm reminded of one of the reasons why...our Dossier arrived in Virginia at AWAA sometime Monday late afternoon...they've already read through it twice, approved it, and plan to bring it to the US Department of State and Ethiopia Embassy to get further authenticated on Thursday. One step closer to bringing our little boy home (still getting used to saying this :)).

Thank you for the quick turnover America World-we're excited to start our official wait :).

Dossier in the Mail!!!

2009-11-07T14:47:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone has had a gorgeous fall Saturday afternoon. I’m not sure what it is about this year but we’ve been blessed with great weather in Cleveland, TN. Actually, we’ve been blessed by that and so much more. This week we officially finished our paperwork journey (or at least a significant chunk of it J). On Monday we received approval from USCIS, which is a fancy way of saying that the US government has approved us to adopt a baby boy from Ethiopia. After that we had to get our paperwork certified by the county and then the state. We took care of this as quickly as we could and by Thursday afternoon our dossier was in the mail. Our agency will take a few weeks to review it before bringing it to the US Embassy. If all goes well our dossier will be in Ethiopia within 2-3 weeks and our official wait will begin (DTE: Dossier To Ethiopia with a wait of 5-7 months for our referral).

When I was shipping out the paperwork I was elated! And as I was leaving UPS the reality that we’re going to have a baby started to hit me. I imagine it felt very similar to a woman being told she was pregnant. To be honest, I’m still in a bit of shock and I’m thankful for these next few months so we can begin to prepare emotionally for this shift in life (but don’t get me wrong-extreme happiness is being felt by the Steffenhagens). Jason and I are so grateful for your prayers-we could not do this without the loving support of our family and friends.

I did want to share a few other things-one being that Sunday, November 8^th (tomorrow) is Orphan Sunday. More or less it’s a day to raise awareness about the 143 million orphans in the world and what can be done to show them Christ’s love. For more information, videos, prayer guides I would recommend this webpage: http://www.orphansunday.org/resources.

Also-we’ve had a few people ask about our storefront at Just Love Coffee-and as of a week ago it is up and running. Basically, this is a fundraiser and with every pound of coffee that is bought from our storefront, the organization will send us $5 to put towards our adoption. The family that started this nonprofit adopted two children from Ethipoia and now they want to help other families do the same. I’ve also started an etsy store and I’m hoping to complete customized orders of letter magnets: http://www.etsy.com/shop/LoveLetters2Ethiopia. (If you’re interested and you live in Cleveland or Minnesota-I’m sure we can work it out to avoid shipping charges because we’ll be home for the holidays). If you have any friends who you think would be interested in the fair trade coffee or the magnets please send them our way. As you can imagine this adoption process does come with a financial piece of the puzzle but we’ve been blown away by God's provision. Thank you so much for your support-whether it’s your prayers or your financial assistance-we really are touched about what God is teaching us through community. (I’m thinking Jason will have to write up this in an upcoming post because he has a gift of being able to articulate these lessons!)

You’ll be hearing from us soon (sorry for the delay in updates-fall was a bit busy but we’re going to make this a priority in the upcoming months). It’s finally time to think about the reality of our baby boy (even typing that makes the hair on my arms stand up straight), we started this process 5 months ago but it didn’t seem real until Thursday! Here it goes…!

Kylie Marie!!

2009-09-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

August 31, 2009 - Kylie Marie Roberson is here! My beautiful sister-in-law Lindy and her handsome husband Shawn are the proud parents of a gorgeous baby girl. She is absolutely perfect. Michelle and I are so excited to be uncle Jason and aunt Michelle for the first time.

On Friday, September 4th we headed for Memphis to meet the little angel. At the moment I can't distinguish which is more precious...her little fingers that she likes to interlock while she sleeps or her little cry when she wakes up.

Seeing Kylie for the first time makes me excited to return the favor and make Lindy and Shawn an aunt and uncle soon!!

Getting Caught Up

2009-08-29T10:59:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since our last post. For all of you who have been eagerly anticipating our newest news, I apologize for the long wait. As many of you know or have personally experienced as a college student or higher education professional, the beginning of the school year is always crazy. Most of the craziness is highly anticipated and wonderful in many ways. Such is our year...off to a crazy fun start!

But where has that left us in the paper chase? Instead of putting the adoption process on hold, we've been slowly plugging away on various aspects that we have control over. Other aspects of which we have little control, we have been waiting patiently. So here's the update...

At the end of July we both got physicals done with a wonderful doctor in Cleveland. We found out that neither of us have TB or any other major diseases...I can't tell you how relieved I was! Just kidding. We submitted our final two Home Study documents (the physical paperwork and our financial statement) on August 5th! It was such a relief to have that huge chunk of paperwork out of our hands and in the hands of our wonderful social worker Debbie. She has since been diligently writing up our Home Study report.

While we have been waiting for the Home Study report, we checked on the rest of our list of to-do's for the paper chase and realized that we didn't have much left. One item that was fun to do earlier this month was writing our personal letter that will be given to the Ministry of Women's and Children's Affairs in Ethiopia. It was exciting to put into words our hopes and excitement for starting our family this way. Also, it was exciting thinking that our dreams will be read by someone in Ethiopia. So much of this process has been about us and our preparation, it was nice to place the focus on Ethiopia and how excited we are to allow their heritage and culture into our lives.

Another item on the to-do list was going through an on-line parenting course. Although we have been busy, it was nice to set aside some time and be reminded of the challenge that raising an adopted child will be. There was one particular article that we were asked to read that was especially enlightening. I'm going to wait on describing the details because I hope to place a link to this article on the blog at some point. Needless to say, both Michelle and I realized how grateful we were of our adoption agency because we have been prepared very well by them...nothing that was discussed in the parenting course was a surprise. Instead, it was a great refresher on the patience this process takes and the excitement that we can anticipate.

When we receive our Home Study (which has since been approved by our adoption agency and waiting to be notarized) we will apply to Immigration (getting permission to adopt and make our son a citizen of the US). After we are approved by Immigration we will put together the rest of the dossier.

The last few items on the dossier check-list are...receiving our recommendation letters (of which two of three have been approved already), putting together our family photo page and our home photo page, making copies of various documents like passports and drivers licenses, and finally, submitting the whole package to the agency for notarization and approval.

After we submit the dossier, we will start our waiting period. Although the waiting period will be the hardest part, we are excited to let everyone know that the length of time between submitting a dossier and receiving a referral has gone from 11-24 months when we started, to 8-12 months about 3 months ago, then to 6-8 months about 2 months ago, and finally it has been lowered to 5-7 months this past month. 5-7 months will still feel like forever, but that gives us excitement that we might be traveling to Ethiopia in April or May!

Thanks again for all your prayers of support and patience/diligence. We are excitedly approaching the end of the paper chase!!! (I think I have used the word 'excite' in its various forms at least 20 times in this post...I might need to change the title!) Anyway...we'll be updating more often, I hope, now that school is starting to settle into a more comfortable routine.

Looking forward to our next post...love, faith, grace and peace!

The Process of Adoption

2009-07-31T21:14:00.000-07:00

If you are like us, about six months ago we knew very little about international adoption. We basically knew that it cost a bunch of money and took a really long time. Those things are true...but some things we assumed were much different than expected. We found out that the Home Study isn't some old crazy lady coming over with a white glove and rummaging around your home looking for any and all reasons to keep you from being a parent...it is just the opposite. The Home Study is to prepare you for the adoption, making sure this is the best thing for your family and for the child. We've loved every minute of our Home Study.

But many people still have tons of questions...why is it so long...how much paperwork is it...how much of a sure thing is international adoption. Here is a short version of the process and some answers to our questions...

It starts with getting Agency approved. We filled out an extensive application with financial statements, references, personal histories and more to America World Adoption Agency. Once they approved us for a specific 'program' (which means a specific country that we will be seeking to adopt from) we were officially considered Paper Pregnant. At that point we were given a Family Coordinator who is walking us through the entire process, point-by-point and item-by-item. We also were connected with a Home Study social worker who would be conducting our Home Study.

The Home Study gained first priority because we couldn't move forward without this approval (grants and scholarship applications are available after the home study) and the home study provides much of the paperwork needed for the final Dossier.

After the Home Study we will need to complete a parent training course on-line, get approved by the government as prospective adoptive parents (which includes our fingerprinting), get letters of reference, and write our own hopes and dreams on paper.

The Home Study and all these other items combined will create our Dossier, which will get approved by the agency and then translated into Ethiopian; then finally be sent to Ethiopia. Once the Dossier reaches Ethiopia we will just have to wait...and wait...and wait. When we first started this process the average wait once a Dossier was submitted was 10-12 months. At this time, the average wait is 6-7 months!

After our Dossier is reviewed by Ethiopia and we are deemed worthy of adoption, they will send us a referral. This will include a picture of a perspective child and a medical history. We will be given about 24 hours to make a decision. Every couple must specify their preference for the child they will be adopting. Michelle and I have asked for a boy, 0-9 months old.

After accepting a referral (which is dumb to keep saying because he will be our son) we will need to wait roughly 1-2 months in order for travel arrangements to be made so we can go to Ethiopia to get him. We will spend about 7-10 days in Ethiopia before coming home with our baby boy.

Once he is in the US we will need to officially do adoption procedures in the court system. The Home Study also requires us to have three visits in the first year to make sure the adoption is going well and to offer any assistance that is necessary.

So, why so long...basically, there is just a ton of paperwork and other hoops to jump through. From fingerprints to background checks, ordering birth certificates to physicals, and getting references to the Home Study...it is just a ton of paperwork. But the faster this gets done the sooner we can get to the waiting period. This is also where the process slows down. We essentially are at the mercy of the Ethiopian government and the timely manner in which they get through hundreds of adoption paperwork for people who would be prospective parents. We are actually very fortunate the wait isn't longer...in China, the wait for a baby girl is over 4 years!

How much paperwork is it...tons and tons. But once you get started and start seeing items on the checklist get checked off you start to feel like it is do-able. At first it seems overwhelming, but our agency has really made the paperwork manageable and clear to follow. We haven't been fooled by anything, so things are happening when we want them to.

Is international adoption a sure thing...no it isn't. But the agency we are using has a great history with Ethiopia and they don't approve people for their Ethiopia program unless they are confident that things will work out as long as laws or policies aren't changed on Ethiopia's side of things...which there is no indication that that will happen. So basically, no adoption is a sure thing, but this is as sure as it's going to be considering the unavoidable risks.

I could go on and on, but I'll save some for a later post. Please let me know your questions so I can best explain the process and where we are at.

Grace and Peace.

Progress Update 1 : Home Study Almost Done

2009-07-31T21:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday (Thursday July 29th) Michelle and I completed our final Home Study visit with Debbie Taylor, our social worker. She came to our nice little town home in Cleveland and drilled us about smoke detectors and cleaning products. (Not really.) It was actually a great visit. She has been nothing but encouraging and supportive throughout the entire process and we loved having her come see where our son will be sleeping once we bring him home.

At this point...we are finishing up some paperwork for the Home Study report: we need to turn in our physicals but are waiting on some test results (nothing major, just routine stuff), otherwise we will have completed our home study. We also are looking into getting our finger printing done soon.

After the Home Study is completed we will just have to finish the Dossier requirements, which is no small task. We think there is roughly a months worth of work left to do before we will be able to submit our Dossier to the agency and then to Ethiopia.

Be praying that we stay diligent with our paperwork, especially since the school/work year is kicking into high gear.

More to come soon. Let me know if you have any questions and I'll try to be more clear in my next post.

Love and Peace.

Beginnings

2009-07-14T07:14:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason the first sentence, the first word, is always the hardest. I think this is the bain of the human condition, beginnings. We all fight the beginning of so many things : reading a book for a class, writing a paper, doing our taxes, cleaning the house, driving to the grocery store, going to bed (okay - some don't have a problem, but the rest of us just can't imagine shutting our eyes and thinking we will ever fall asleep), asking out a pretty girl or handsome guy, reading our Bible, praying, serving the poor. Beginnings are so hard, but so important to faith, life and God. We must begin!

But beginnings can also be exciting and highly anticipated : the first pitch, kickoff, kissing. This blog seems to have both of these beginnings mixed into it. I don't know how to start (at least not without sounding boring or cliche) and I can't wait to start; both ideas at the same time. If I do start I'm scared and excited because I don't know if I'll ever stop writing. So here goes...

This is a blog about journey's and stories. This is a blog about life and love. This is a blog about sacrifice and faith. This is a blog about frustration and pain. This is a blog that we hope will inspire, challenge, question, give hope, be honest and ultimately honor love and life. Christ died to free us from the oppression of sin and death, to give us life and give us life that can be everlasting. We have this life in Christ to give away. We aren't alive to live for ourselves but to live for others. This is our journey to give the love and life that we've received away. By no means are we naive enough to think that we have life and love and Christ figured out, or that we have more to teach than we have to learn. Quite the opposite. This is a blog to explore the depths of our faith in the pursuit of God's hope for the widow and orphan. This is also a blog to learn from others.

We hope to share our journey, our story. Why?

We do this for ourselves, to process what we are learning and celebrate our story. We do this for our son, to give him a story of love and purpose. We do this for our family and our community, to walk together and learn about love together.

We request that you join us in prayer on our journey. Our hope is that you will also reply to our posts with words of encouragement, advice, and prayer requests of your own. We don't take this journey alone, we do it in community.

Thank you for doing this with us. We've done it...we've begun the journey. Enjoy the ride!

You and Me Together

2009-07-14T04:52:00.000-07:00

The Dave Matthews Band, for some reason (it could be my loving devotion), seems to be writing the soundtrack to our marriage. It sounds like a funny statement or a stupid ploy to get a laugh; but there is some real truth to this.

I've always loved Dave and the guys, thought their music and lyrics were otherworldly. Michelle on the other-hand has always been a casual fan, allowing me my indulgence as she explores the divinity of folk music and the occasional 'chic rocker' stuff.

But as we began our marriage Dave had recently come out with an album and one of the main tracks was a song called 'Where Are You Going'. This quickly became the only song on the album that we were allowed to listen to in the car when we were road-tripping back to Minnesota. (Naturally, when she fell asleep in the car, which happens all the time, I quickly turned the musical stylings towards my disposition - I played Dave...lots of Dave!) But 'Where Are You Going', though listened to more often than is good for any song that you don't want to become annoying, held its place for quite some time. The chorus goes:

I am no superman

I have no answers for you

I am no hero, oh that’s for sure

But I do know one thing for sure

Is where you are, is where I belong

I do know, where you go, is where I want to be

Michelle and I identified with this song because at the beginning of our marriage, and even today, we didn't and don't pretend to know everything about each other or about how our marriage is going to look. We don't have all the answers, whether they be about questions of faith, questions of how one another is feeling, questions of why we get angry, or questions about why we love each other so much. We are discovering these answers as we go, leaving room for change, for challenge and for growth. Sometimes the answers have been exciting to learn, other times the answers are hard; but through it all, we do know, where one of us goes (emotionally, spiritually, personally, professionally), the other wants to be there too. We're not perfect and definitely don't pretend to be (ask our friends), but we do appreciate and are humbled that God has given us a Spirit of patience with one another to grow and learn about marriage and love together.

Even though we will never stop learning, asking questions and seeking answers about each other and our marriage, the soundtrack has a new song. This past May Michelle and I decided to take a leap of faith and pursue an adoption of a little baby boy from Ethiopia. New questions that need answers are quickly rising to the surface. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where God wants us, but at times it is impossible not to question what in the world we are getting ourselves into. I am sure all parents-to-be probably feel these emotions and ask themselves these questions, so it is fitting that Dave and the guys released a new album on June 2nd.

The album itself is great. Musically it's kickin' and groovin', a must have for any Dave fan. Lyrically it's biting and thought provoking, asking questions of justice in a world that needs to be willing to look at itself in the mirror. But then there is this song at the end of the album called 'You and Me'. As soon as I heard it I knew it was something special and I knew Michelle would love it. So I had her listen to it while we were driving in the car. The song talks about a couple experiencing life together and learning how to love life with one another. Then comes the bridge to the chorus and the chorus:

Oh, and when the kids are old enough

We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby

You and me together yes, yes

The two of us together, we could do anything, Baby

You and me together yeah, yeah

As soon as she heard the line, 'we're gonna teach them to fly', she was done. Done. Michelle hit the rewind button so we could listen to it again, and again, and again. Now we get in the car and if we turn on the car stereo she instantly turns it to track 13. It was only after the first few times she heard it that she turned to me and said, 'Dave is writing the soundtrack to our marriage.' (Now for someone who has loved Dave Matthews Band for as long as I have and has tried subtly and not so subtly to convert his wife to the dark side, this was like music to my ears.) But she's right. This song, the idea that we're going to teach our son to fly (symbolically for me this means freedom, life, independence, strength, passion, and grace) coupled with the seemingly encouraging words that together we can do anything, it was perfect.

We needed something outside of us, our world of friends and family, to say this wasn't nuts. We needed something to identify with, to help give rhythm and poetry to the beauty of what we were doing. Because all life is beautiful and impossible to capture with meaning; and sometimes only song, dance and rhythm can truly capture the essence of what is true.

It's odd to think that a song by a secular artist could have so much meaning for such a spiritual and personal aspect of our lives. But we love, follow and are humbled by a God who isn't scared to use truth wherever it is found. And that is what I rest in - it is true that God is calling us to love a little baby boy who doesn't have a family - it is true that our marriage will always be a journey and a process, full of questions and answers and more questions; but we'll always be going together - it is true that we're nervous and excited and scared and thrilled, and need to be reminded that we're doing what is good and right - and it is true that God has used and most likely will continue to use truth wherever it is found to give us a sense of peace and confidence in the path that is laid before our feet.

So Michelle and I step boldly and humbly into the great unknown. And we say to God - 'we do know that where you go, is where we want to be'. And we also say - 'the two of us (or three of us) together can do anything'. What a joy to be loved and to love such a great and awesome God.

Your Hand in Mine

2009-07-14T04:42:00.000-07:00

There is a beautiful song by a band called Explosions in the Sky that is titled 'Your Hand in Mine'. The song, like all their music, is purely instrumental (two guitars and some drums). It ebbs and flows, giving emotion to sound. I've always considered the drama of the building rhythm to be focused on two young lovers who are holding hands for the first time. The excitement and the energy of chemistry mixed with inner chaos was perfectly captured in the heart pulsating beat mixed with soothing and longing guitar rifts.

But then I started processing my journey towards adoption, and the music has taken on a whole new meaning. It isn't simply the chaos and chemistry of young love, instead it is the decisive moment where you know that life as it has formerly been known is changed forever. This is the passion in this song, this is the rhythm of life's twisting and turning, this is the intrusion of the divine in moments of unexpected perfection. It was a little hand in mine that changed my life.

Michelle has always known. Her heart beats for people that others seem to discard or for those who are left on the margins of society. She has friends who live on street corners and in parks in San Francisco and others who drop by our church on Sunday's to get a free cup of coffee and a donut. Michelle has known she's wanted to adopt, probably before she wanted to be a mother. (Like I've always known I wanted to coach my sons baseball team before I ever wanted to be a father.) Her heart has always had a place for children who need a home.

My journey to this point isn't from a lifetime of hopeful expectation. I never considered adoption or thought it would be something I would be longing for unless there was some mitigating circumstance. As long as I was healthy and my wife and I were capable, my family would be one of natural birth. But the dreams of those we love have a way of becoming the hopes of our own tomorrows. So here is my story about falling in love with the idea of adoption.

Michelle talked about adoption any time we ever mentioned kids, so I knew it was something I would have to honestly address in my life and in the life of our marriage at some point. At first I thought it was just an expression of her generous and caring heart. Then I realized this wasn't a passing idea or simply a momentary sympathy after being in a third-world country; she was serious. I had to really think about this.

In the spring of 2007 I was warming up to the idea of adoption, but had a ton of questions...would I have the same feelings for an adopted child that I would for one of my own, would I be able to coup with the cultural differences, would I be able to deal with the emotional changes when the child wants to understand its life before Michelle and I came into the picture.

Then William Lamb asked if I wanted to go to Guatemala in July to see this ministry. I had only been to Canada as a child and Mexico on my honeymoon, so Guatemala sounded like the moon. But Michelle encouraged me to go have an experience in a third-world country and see what life was like outside the US.

We arrived at Hope of Life for a quick 5 day stay. The first day we were given a tour of all the different ministry opportunities available (a feeding ministries, a clothing sales, an old persons facility for those dying without any family, a medical center for babies found in the jungle, a school and an orphanage). I had never been to an orphanage before and didn't know what to expect. I spoke zero Spanish and had no way to understand the situation these kids were facing.

But then we got there. The kids came running out to us as if Santa Clause showed up with his reindeer. We were mobbed by little boys left and right. We threw them on our shoulders, did bicep curls with them hanging from our forearms, chased them around the playground and anything else that we could think of. Then we were shown the area where the little girls were staying. They had all just finished their chores for the day, cleaning clothes and washing up, and they all, wearing the same donated t-shirt and school girl dresses were so excited to see us. They came running towards us, wanting to be swept up into our arms. I spent probably 30 minutes just catching one after another as they lept off the two foot ledge into my arms as I swung them up into the air before putting them back down on the ground. Then they would run back up onto the ledge and get in line to do it all over again.

After about 30 minutes I was getting really tired; I could barely catch them as they jumped. Finally I just sat down on the concrete and leaned up against the wall of one of the rooms and instantly four little girls jumped on my lap. I started bouncing them on my knees and tickling them as they squirmed and giggled. Soon my legs weren't bouncing anymore, all the energy I had was gone. I took a sip of water, shared some with the little girls around me and said, 'no mas' (no more). I just needed to sit.

Three of the little girls realized that I was out of energy and probably wouldn't be any fun for a while, so they took off to find the next human jungle gym. But one little girl stayed on my lap. She wasn't too tired or sleepy, she just seemed content. We sat there for a minute, I almost forgot where I was and just leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes. Then I heard some singing and felt her grab my hand. She started to trace the lines on my hand as she sang a song to herself in Spanish. She went on singing for a few minutes then simply held my hand and leaned back against my chest and just sat with me. I can't explain that feeling. Any question I ever had about adoption or loving an orphan was done. Gone. I was lost and found at the same time. She placed her hand in mine, sang a song and stole my future. I realized at that moment that love was not something biological or cultural, it was experienced, it was shared, it was given.

At dinner that night I called Michelle who was back in Tennessee. I told her about the great facility and all the ministry opportunities, and then I told her about the little girl who held my hand. I reminisced about every detail, her tracing the lines on my hand, the little song she sang, the way her countenance matched mine and we both just sat and enjoyed the sun over the mountains in Guatemala. Without a flinch or a second thought, I told her I was ready to adopt. And without a flinch or a second thought, she said go for it, do it.

Unfortunately, the situation in Guatemala is not good. Adopting from there is extremely difficult at best, if not impossible. We hoped to wait and see what would happen, but it doesn't look good for anytime in the near future.

We did have the opportunity to go back to Guatemala in the spring of 2008. Marleni was still there and after I showed her a picture of the two of us, she and I were best buds all over again. Michelle fell for her too. We couldn't get enough of her and it hurt to leave. But our hearts were full, not empty; longing not vacant.

That was over a year ago. I haven't seen Marleni since that spring and I don't know when I will see her again. But I will never forget that little hand in mine. It changed my life. I knew I could love. The questions still exist, they always will; but the capacity to love despite hardship and despite doubt has taken firm root in the depths of my being. Love will win; because a little hand was placed in mine and the chaos of my soul erupted into a beautiful dance of joy, causing my heart to understand that it isn't blood that makes family, but choice. I choose to love.