I Will Wait

If you go back into the archives of this blog, you will read a post about a song by the Dave Matthews Band - "You and Me".  This song became the soundtrack to our adoption journey and eventually inspired the name of our blog.  As Michelle and I begin this journey anew, there is a song that keeps finding its way into the atmosphere of our lives.

If you know me and Michelle, it's no secret that we love Mumford.  If you've ridden in our car for any length of time you probably know how much Matty loves Mumford.  Every time we get in the car to go anywhere; the grocery store, Chattanooga, the YMCA or Minnesota; Matty is asking for Mumford.

And the song of choice for our little man is currently "I Will Wait".  We get in the car and he instantly says, "Play 'I Will Wait' song!"  If we don't get the iPod going in about 2.5 seconds, he starts panicking like he's cornered by a dog larger than he is.

Before you draw too many conclusions about why this song is meaningful to us...take a look at this video from a concert at Red Rocks!

I Will Wait

So often when we think of waiting, we picture ourselves in a doctor's office...waiting for our turn to be seen.  Or maybe we see ourselves at Starbucks...waiting to give our order.  We're probably not big fans of waiting, because we usually place waiting in the passive category of life.

But Advent (I know it was a little while ago...but stay with me) reminds us that waiting is actually something very different.  As Israel was waiting for the arrival of the Messiah, so the Church is waiting on the coming of Christ to consummate the Kingdom of God.  And this waiting isn't meant to be passive, but active.  It's meant to be a time of preparation.  As the Magi longingly looked for a sign of the birth of the Messiah, as Mary prepared herself to mother the Son of God, so we are to prepare our lives and our earth for the melding of heaven with earth.

I honestly can't think of a better analogy for this type of waiting than the journey of adoption that families go on.  Adoption isn't just about the arrival of the new family member...it's about preparing and creating a home for someone who longs to be loved.

And this is why I love this song by Mumford & Sons.  (And you thought I wasn't coming back to that!)

This song is full of passion, energy and fantastic lyrics.  It's hard to imagine this song being sung slowly.  But waiting is supposed to be slow and boring, right?  Waiting is supposed to be passive, not active, not full of life, right?

But Marcus and the boys of Mumford remind us of a great truth, that waiting is supposed to instill a sense of urgency and longing, a sense of hope and anticipation.  Waiting is supposed to be about preparation.

However, when a song is played on repeat at almost all hours of the day in your house and in your car, it's easy to start missing it...to simply hear but not comprehend.  But on a chilly December day, I heard this song again.

I had spent the morning finishing up all the copies and last minute details for our dossier.  During this process I had misplaced our marriage certificate...which was kind of a big deal.  So I looked everywhere, rushing from my office to Michelle's office and finally home...where it was located right where I should have expected it to be.  After getting everything in place, the dossier was finally all put together and brought to the post-office.

(In reading this, I recognize how anti-climatic this moment may be in reading it.  But trust me...there aren't many things in my life that I have found more stressful and more relieving than mailing this dossier.)

After it was in the trusted hands of the United States Postal Service, I had to rush to Chattanooga for an office lunch.  On the way, the song "I Will Wait" started playing.  At first the lyrics (which I assume you just listened to) started to hit me.  I was reflecting on how God waits for us and expects us to build his Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.  I was humbled by this realization.

Then I remembered how Matty sings it in the car.  He always substitutes "daddy" into the chorus, "I will wait, I will wait, for daddy."  The lump in my throat started to form.

It was then that it hit me what had just happened a few minutes before I entered the car.  The reality was overwhelming, Michelle and I and Matty are "waiting" for our son.  Tears.

I was driving down the road sobbing.  If you would have passed me at that moment and happened to look over, you would have thought that there was seriously something wrong with this guy.  I'm singing at the top of my lungs, choking on the lump in my throat, wiping tears out of my eyes, as I try to steer a car going 80 mph down the freeway.  (Not my safest moment...but definitely one of my most emotionally freeing.)

Our adoption journey is just beginning and will more than likely never truly end.  So if there is something I would say to our boys (and any future children), it's this:

Your mom and I will wait for you.  We won't sit idly by and expect everything to work out great.  Instead, we will wait actively.  We will wait with anticipation.  We will wait with preparation.  Are we planning to be perfect?  Of course not.  But we will love with honesty and forgiveness.  We will wait for you.