Jason Love Mateios #8

Matty is 3. Which basically means that he doesn’t like to get told what to do and tends to do things without asking. We often have to ask him to stop, and occasionally we’ll see him doing something potentially disastrous and need to raise our voice and yell out a few, “Whoa, whoa, whoas”.

So the other day we’re getting ready to go to church and Matty is casually taking his time, not wanting to be rushed (you know…because things like Thomas the Tank Engine take priority in the life of a three-year-old). Michelle and I are trying to hurry him out the door, and we finally got the TV off and are headed for the jacket.

(Side note: Our kid is not a fan of his jacket or a sweatshirt unless it is raining. He kicks the covers off at night. And he’s not a huge fan of socks around the house. He likes to live free!)

So we try to get the jacket on him and he puts out a hand towards Michelle and says in the most authoritative voice possible, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you are doing?! I think you might need a timeout.”

It was probably the most spot-on impression of Michelle and me that I have ever seen. He absolutely nailed the tone of voice, the hand gestures, and the exact wording. Michelle and I both started laughing instantly, which came as a total shock to Matty. He looked at us like we were suddenly growing antlers, and said, “What are you doing?! You need a timeout!”

Laughing even harder, we proceeded to help him with his jacket (begrudgingly) and make our way to the car.

Jason Love Mateios #7

If there was a way to bottle-up the cuteness of Sick Matty all the time, life would be perfect.  I know that sounds wrong...like I somewhat enjoy my kid being sick...but I can't help it.  

1. He's unbelievably polite: always asking his mom for things by saying please.
2. He's calm: just wanting to chill with you on the couch (he was even totally cool with me wanting to watch about 10 hours of The Masters on Sat/Sun).
3. He's affectionate: going from a kid who never wants to cuddle to a kid who's always inviting us to sit next to him on the couch and then falling asleep in the crook of our arm.
4. He's willing to take medicine: he actually says 'thank you' after you give him medicine.  

Outside of Sick Matty, we never get this much cuteness all at once.  Sure, Normal Matty is cute...that's obvious.  But he's not polite, calm, affectionate, and willing to take medicine (see: take vitamins or brush his teeth) all at the same time!  

Do I like Sick Matty better than Normal Matty...of course not...I would be a terrible parent if I agreed to that.  But do I revel in the little things, like when Sick Matty leans over in the middle of the night and kisses his mommy on the nose while she's fast asleep and then whispers, "I wuv you momma."?  Yes, I love these little moments.  

I just hope they continue now that the fever is gone!

Jason Loves Mateios #6

Matty found a quarter the other day and acted like it was a gold nugget from the 1849 California Gold Rush.  We haven’t taught him much about money (don’t need him to be too consumeristic before he’s five), so he doesn’t know what the coins are called.  The aforementioned quarter took the ominous name “money”.  So he ran around the house showing everyone his “money”.  He found a piggy bank (Ham from Toy Story – AKA Evil Dr. Pork Chop) and asked for the cork to be removed so he could put his “money” in the piggy bank, dump it out and put it in all over again.  He did this for a while and then I tried to put the cork back on and distract him with a train or a truck or something.  He just yelled at me, “Don’t take my 'monies'!”  I was taken aback for a second…not realizing that a three-year-old has the same reaction that I do when people try to tell me what to do with my “monies”.  I told him that it was just a quarter and that there was much more important things in life.  He looked up at me and said in the most self-assured manner, “I love money more than anything.”

This obviously wasn’t a good thing.  We don’t talk that often about money, especially not around him, so I had no idea where he got that idea.  I quickly told him that “No, you don’t love money more than anything.  What do you love most in the world?”  Sensing my disdain for his previous utterance about the value of a quarter, he decided to contemplate his answer carefully.  He looked down, looked up, then had that light-bulb look and said in the most innocent, nonchalant voice, “Snacks.”  I honestly couldn’t argue with this…it was close to dinner time and I was starting to think with my stomach as well.  But, being the good dad that I am, I reminded him of the truly important things in life that he loves more than anything…Jesus, mommy and daddy.  He just looked over at me like I had said something in Swahili and asked me, “Want to see my money daddy?”

“Of course I do.  Where should we put it?”  And we started putting our quarter in Evil Dr. Pork Chop all over again.

Side Note: Michelle did the mature parental thing and found a second piggy bank that she talked about being for other people (to give away).  She gave Matty a second quarter and asked that he put one quarter in the piggy bank for someone else and one quarter in his own piggy bank.  I would like to say that I would have thought of this idea, but I honestly wouldn’t have.  Which is reason number 8,527 why I married the greatest woman on planet earth!

Jason Loves Mateios #5

Creativity is alive and well…in case you thought it was on the decline.  After watching Madagascar 3 (a highly underrated movie by the way…totally recommend watching it three times in one day like I did) Matty fell in love with the lion and the tiger. 

(Side note:  He loves playing with the toys of the shows that he watches (Thomas the Tank Engine, Buzz and Woody, Lightning McQueen, etc) so it was tough for the little man not to have an Alex the Lion toy.)  

So at dinner the other night he holds up a finger and starts talking with it.  After a moment of utter confusion I picked up on what was going on and turned my finger into Terry the Tiger (a distant cousin of Tony, because I couldn't remember the name of the actual tiger from Madagascar 3).  We had a conversation that probably lasted about 30 minutes.  When we got home from dinner and it was time for bed, Alex the Lion and Terry the Tiger had to help Matty get ready for bed.  After we read a book, said our prayers, got all tucked in and were ready for bed, Matty (in the cutest voice ever) said, “Good night Terry the Tiger.”  So Terry the Tiger (otherwise known as my right index finger and a slightly gruff sounding voice) leaned down and gave Matty a kiss on the cheek. 

He was asleep in about five minutes!

Jason Loves Mateios #4

Matty has a way of being cute and manipulative at the same time.  We love playing with him and doing crafty things with him, but there are times when we would just love to sit and talk while he goes and plays in his room.  So we’ll politely say that he should go draw on his chalk board or go play his little piano or go shoot baskets on his hoop…hoping to get about 15 minutes worth of chill time.  Almost every time Matty thinks this is a great idea…until he gets about half-way up the stairs.  He typically turns around, has a really concerned look on his face like he doesn’t completely understand what’s happening.  We notice the hesitation in his climb up the stairs and ask him what’s wrong.  He just smiles at us as if he’s figured out the solution to an unsolvable math problem and says the following in the cutest voice possible, “Daddy (or Mommy), you can come play with me in my room.  It will be fun.”

This isn’t really an invitation as much as it’s a manipulative tactic, most often seen when used by pretty girls in the dining hall who forgot their ID card and need some unsuspecting dork to pay for their lunch.  (No disrespect to any dorks out there…this is just how the world works at times.  I’ve found myself in this place many times…I just got lucky and married one of those pretty girls.)  Matty is the master of the cute manipulation.  How do you say no to a slightly smirking little angel who just wants to play with his mommy or daddy?  If you say no, he just looks dejected, eyes falling to the floor, chin hitting his chest, while he mutters under his breath, “That’s okay daddy.”  And he never even makes eye contact…which leaves you (the parent) imagining his little spirit being crushed under the weight of your rejection.  So you quickly jump off the couch and do what you should have done in the first place…go play!

Jason Loves Mateios #3

The other day we got home late from being out with some friends and we were trying to hustle Matty into bed. I told him to sit down and take his shoes off. He reluctantly sat down and “attempted” (which means he didn’t really try at all) to take his shoes off. So I asked him, in a stern voice, to take his shoes off. He started to get the first shoe off, and when he did he fired it across the room at the door. (The kid has a decent arm…so it was a rather loud bang when the shoe hit the door.) He thought this was funny and proceeded to take the other shoe off.

I, being the responsible and slightly frustrated dad, came walking up to take his other shoe off and show him how to set it down nicely. I was too late. He took the shoe off and as I bent down he fired a perfect strike on the bridge of my nose from about 6 inches away. Needless to say, it hurt. I yelled a fairly loud “AAWWWAAHHH!” and walked away with his shoes to put them in the closet. As I’m putting the shoes away I hear this loud cry coming from the kitchen (the scene of the crime). I turned and saw Matty just bawling his eyes out. (Remember, it’s late, I’m tired, he’s tired, we’re all a little frustrated that we’re not sleeping.)

I look at him and ask why he’s crying. He just keeps bawling his eyes out. Then I realize. “Are you crying because you hurt daddy?” And in the most tender way possible, he nods his head really big and says, “Yes.” My little boy with the big heart.

I swooped him up and told him that I was sorry I yelled loudly when I got hit by the shoe. I told him it was okay and that he could kiss my nose to make it better. He did…which only really made me realize that there was a bruise forming on my nose. But we hugged it out and then got ready for bed.

Jason Loves Mateios #2

It’s Cars month at our house.  (Side note: Each month or so Matty will become obsessed with something new – Elmo, Barney,Thomas the Tank Engine, Buzz and Woody, and now Cars – and this is all we watch…all we watch.)  So…Since it’s Carsmonth, we’ve been watching the Cars movie and the Cars cartoon.  In the cartoon, Mater tells the story of becoming a Rock Star with his hit song “Dad Gum”.  It’s really stupid and gets in your head.  So the other day Matty is playing with his Lightning McQueen and Mater toys on the couch and he’s having them sing back and forth the “Dad Gum” song.  It was a truly southern moment of troubling beauty.  Michelle and I just looked at each other and thought…oh boy…this kid is awesome!

Jason Loves Mateios Part 1

When it comes to raising kids I don’t get intimidated or scared by much.  I’m not a fan of heights…so little kids and heights makes me go crazy…otherwise I’m pretty chill.  I’m not scared of diapers, the stove, disciplining, the birds-and-the-bees talk, or even questions about adoption.  But other than heights, the only thing that makes me want to go crazy is potty training!  I hate it!  I knew I would hate it…and I was completely right.  It’s stupid!  If I could go back to the beginning of creation and have God change one thing about our brain chemistry, it would be that we inherently know how to use the bathroom on a toilet when we turn two.  Nothing major…just a nice miraculous understanding of how to use the potty.  So what if the toilet wouldn’t be invented until whenever the toilet was invented…people should just know how to do this.  BUT…Matty had a momentary breakthrough on Saturday night!  I won’t bore you or gore you with the details…but the kid earned an entire bar of chocolate (Swiss chocolate to be exact) for his efforts.  Yes…We’re not above bribing our child to go on the potty.  It might not be a long-term success plan, but if it works now we’ll deal with the consequences later.  So…Pray that I stay sane while Matty braves the unknown world of Thomas the Tank Engine underwear and patiently sitting on the porcelain thrown!