You and Me Together

The Dave Matthews Band, for some reason (it could be my loving devotion), seems to be writing the soundtrack to our marriage. It sounds like a funny statement or a stupid ploy to get a laugh; but there is some real truth to this.

I've always loved Dave and the guys, thought their music and lyrics were otherworldly. Michelle on the other-hand has always been a casual fan, allowing me my indulgence as she explores the divinity of folk music and the occasional 'chic rocker' stuff.

But as we began our marriage Dave had recently come out with an album and one of the main tracks was a song called 'Where Are You Going'. This quickly became the only song on the album that we were allowed to listen to in the car when we were road-tripping back to Minnesota. (Naturally, when she fell asleep in the car, which happens all the time, I quickly turned the musical stylings towards my disposition - I played Dave...lots of Dave!) But 'Where Are You Going', though listened to more often than is good for any song that you don't want to become annoying, held its place for quite some time. The chorus goes:

I am no superman

I have no answers for you

I am no hero, oh that’s for sure

But I do know one thing for sure

Is where you are, is where I belong

I do know, where you go, is where I want to be

Michelle and I identified with this song because at the beginning of our marriage, and even today, we didn't and don't pretend to know everything about each other or about how our marriage is going to look. We don't have all the answers, whether they be about questions of faith, questions of how one another is feeling, questions of why we get angry, or questions about why we love each other so much. We are discovering these answers as we go, leaving room for change, for challenge and for growth. Sometimes the answers have been exciting to learn, other times the answers are hard; but through it all, we do know, where one of us goes (emotionally, spiritually, personally, professionally), the other wants to be there too. We're not perfect and definitely don't pretend to be (ask our friends), but we do appreciate and are humbled that God has given us a Spirit of patience with one another to grow and learn about marriage and love together.

Even though we will never stop learning, asking questions and seeking answers about each other and our marriage, the soundtrack has a new song. This past May Michelle and I decided to take a leap of faith and pursue an adoption of a little baby boy from Ethiopia. New questions that need answers are quickly rising to the surface. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where God wants us, but at times it is impossible not to question what in the world we are getting ourselves into. I am sure all parents-to-be probably feel these emotions and ask themselves these questions, so it is fitting that Dave and the guys released a new album on June 2nd.

The album itself is great. Musically it's kickin' and groovin', a must have for any Dave fan. Lyrically it's biting and thought provoking, asking questions of justice in a world that needs to be willing to look at itself in the mirror. But then there is this song at the end of the album called 'You and Me'. As soon as I heard it I knew it was something special and I knew Michelle would love it. So I had her listen to it while we were driving in the car. The song talks about a couple experiencing life together and learning how to love life with one another. Then comes the bridge to the chorus and the chorus:

Oh, and when the kids are old enough

We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby

You and me together yes, yes

The two of us together, we could do anything, Baby

You and me together yeah, yeah

As soon as she heard the line, 'we're gonna teach them to fly', she was done. Done. Michelle hit the rewind button so we could listen to it again, and again, and again. Now we get in the car and if we turn on the car stereo she instantly turns it to track 13. It was only after the first few times she heard it that she turned to me and said, 'Dave is writing the soundtrack to our marriage.' (Now for someone who has loved Dave Matthews Band for as long as I have and has tried subtly and not so subtly to convert his wife to the dark side, this was like music to my ears.) But she's right. This song, the idea that we're going to teach our son to fly (symbolically for me this means freedom, life, independence, strength, passion, and grace) coupled with the seemingly encouraging words that together we can do anything, it was perfect.

We needed something outside of us, our world of friends and family, to say this wasn't nuts. We needed something to identify with, to help give rhythm and poetry to the beauty of what we were doing. Because all life is beautiful and impossible to capture with meaning; and sometimes only song, dance and rhythm can truly capture the essence of what is true.

It's odd to think that a song by a secular artist could have so much meaning for such a spiritual and personal aspect of our lives. But we love, follow and are humbled by a God who isn't scared to use truth wherever it is found. And that is what I rest in - it is true that God is calling us to love a little baby boy who doesn't have a family - it is true that our marriage will always be a journey and a process, full of questions and answers and more questions; but we'll always be going together - it is true that we're nervous and excited and scared and thrilled, and need to be reminded that we're doing what is good and right - and it is true that God has used and most likely will continue to use truth wherever it is found to give us a sense of peace and confidence in the path that is laid before our feet.

So Michelle and I step boldly and humbly into the great unknown. And we say to God - 'we do know that where you go, is where we want to be'. And we also say - 'the two of us (or three of us) together can do anything'. What a joy to be loved and to love such a great and awesome God.